I Mastering Pastoral Counceling

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STUDENT’S GOAL

Copyright © 2007
PBI Publications
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Answer the questions in this workbook as you read

Mastering
Pastoral Counseling

By
Archibald D. Hart
Gary L. Gulbranson
Jim Smith

Introduction
  1. The complexity of life that results from today’s moral is making pastoral counseling an increasingly task.
  2. If there is one thing counseling pastors never have enough of, it’s .
  3. Counseling pastors need wisdom to
    • A. know when to and when to
    • B. sense how or to proceed
    • C. sensitively employ spiritual
    • D. counseling with other pastoral duties
    • E. judge whether to or provide counseling
    • F. know when to and when to
    • G. provide spiritual
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Part One
The Pastor as Counselor

Chapter One
Using Our Spiritual Resources

  1. A counselor must employ resources with skill, sensitivity, and .
  2. Counselors’ prayers show they on God’s Spirit to work in a situation. Prayer is a of weakness that allows power to prevail.
  3. Needy people desperately need a model of prayer.
  4. In counseling, prayer can be legitimate. To use it:
    • A. pray a session to prepare your .
    • B. pray for and insight
    • C. pray with the counselee at the of the counseling session
    • D. assign prayer as
    • E. pray to the session
    • F. let counselees pray for the
  5. Prayer counselees, as Philippians 4:6-7 promises, giving them a measure of the of God, which helps to better communicate.
  6. People their way into a proper way of feeling; they don’t their way into a proper way of acting.
  7. Especially when major sin is involved, people to sense a with God after they have brought their problems and failings into the open.
  8. Hurting people desperately need and want wisdom and words from . Scripture is the greatest counseling source for ,comfort, and .
  9. If a counselor is -happy with Scripture, they will fail to hear counselees’ true concerns. As a result the counselor won’t the counselee’s problems’ contexts and .
  10. Christ focused on the and the , on how a person could his relationship with God and how to maintain that relationship.
  11. Jesus was also to each individual. He helped people understand their and attitudes.
  12. People understand terms, including biblical terms, based on their .
  13. Pastors lead a group of people with the potential to and love others into -being.
  14. The key in small groups is to be .
  15. Because people in crisis need all the spiritual possible counselees should attend . In worship, desperate and lonely people can sense the and power of God.
  16. A counselee’s involvement in church does present two hurdles:
    • A. The counselee thinks “He’s at me, or he’s letting these people about my problem.”
    • B. The counselee thinks, “That man in the pulpit more personal things about me than anyone else in the world,” and will be .
  17. Life-controlling habits don’t easily, but they do away when people avail themselves of powerful resources.
  18. Spiritual resources for counseling, though not automatically effective, are effective. When used with wisdom, they the very core of a person’s being, where other methods cannot touch.
    19. Just What the Doctor Ordered

    My doctor had recommended surgery and referred me to a specialist. Arriving early for my appointment, I found the door unlocked and the young surgeon, deeply engrossed in reading, behind the receptionist’s desk. When he didn’t hear me come in, I cleared my throat. Startled, he closed the book, which I recognized as a Bible.“Does reading the Bible help you before or after an operation?” I asked. My fears were dispelled by his soft, one-word answer: “During.”

    —Eleanor Schmidt

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Chapter Two
Giving Care Ethically

  1. The counseling room has become a source of anxiety and liability.
  2. The question of in counseling relationships has never been more important than it is today.
  3. Building and maintaining is the key to sustaining ethical relationships with counselees.
  4. For a pastor, the appearance of , being “above reproach,” is nearly as important as itself.
  5. Pastors who fail to set are so busy trying to fix people’s problems that their own lives are apart.
  6. Issues kept within the more formal boundaries of the counseling room include:
    • A. counseling
    • B. and family counseling
    • C. change issues
    • D. and compulsive behavior issues
    • E. and other emotional issues
    • F. deep and moral issues
  7. Professional boundaries create a atmosphere for working on issues and problems than the formal atmosphere of a pastor-parishioner friendship.
  8. Formal counseling should always require an , and should cover a set length of , not to exceed an hour.
  9. It may even be helpful to have a written “” between counselor and counselee.
  10. The safest course is politely to gifts of any kind from counselees.
  11. Accepting gifts from a counselee is the rawest form of of , and most of the time it should simply be refused.
  12. is probably the most thorny ethical issue of the pastor-counselee relationship.
  13. The dilemma of confidentiality is faced in at least four ways.
    • A. matters
    • B. and referrals
    • C. counseling
    • D. inadvertent
  14. Unless someone is in imminent or the law it, confidentiality must be maintained.
  15. At the beginning of counseling the counselor should ask the counselee to sign a that gives the counselor to consult with other professionals.
  16. There is often a fine line between information and information.
  17. The ethics of confidentiality confer great & emotional on the counseling pastor.
  18. The pastoral calling exposes one to all manner of legal liabilities. Three areas to be aware of are:
    • A. limits to confidentiality
    • B. giving
    • C.
  19. Counselors are required to disclose rather than conceal the following issues because they involve acts or potential acts of violence.
    • A. child
    • B. contemplation of
    • C. contemplation of
  20. Child should be to the appropriate social agency.
  21. If a person acts , the counselor should try to get the person to agree verbally or in writing that he or she will commit suicide before seeing the counselor again or take the person to a county , or call the police to do so.
  22. If a person threatens the life of another in counseling, the counselor is bound to the person who has been threatened.
  23. No matter the circumstance and course of action the counselor takes, it is highly recommended afterward to write a outlining the , date, and of the incident and what the counselor did as a result.
  24. A pastor would expect (and deserve) to be if he became involved with a counselee or manipulated the counselee for gain.
  25. Personal liability coverage does usually protect counselors if they were to be sued in their capacity, so it is wise to make sure that some form of liability policy is in place.
  26. If one party to a problem is not to work on the problem, the pastor who seeks to intervene is just walking into a saw.
  27. A counselor does belong in the of people’s problems and issues. A counselor is an source of insight, perspective, and encouragement.
  28. Counselors are human beings with the capacity for self- deception and motivation as those who come to them for counseling.
  29. When we sit in the counseling room with another person, we represent the and the good of Jesus Christ.
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Chapter Three
The Preaching Ingredient

  1. Pastors can be more effective overall because of the mutually beneficial ministries of and .
  2. Counseling helps preaching in at least four ways:
    • A. counseling helps to select
    • B. counseling helps to identify the of a text
    • C. counseling helps to ask the question
    • D. counseling is a source of
  3. Identifying and communicating the texture of a passage is what preaching from teaching.
  4. Answering the question enables the listener to hear not only the letter of the Word but the of the Word.
  5. The empathy question impacts the section of sermons.
  6. Counselors should try to understand the of those who will be by the sharp “two-edged sword” of Scripture.
  7. Preaching provokes listeners to to counseling who might not otherwise .
  8. People often go to a pastor for relief. They come seeking in decision making as well as specific of the Scriptures in their lives.
  9. When counseling in a manner appropriateness is everything.
  10. Jesus criticized the Pharisees for laying heavy upon people without lifting a finger to them.
  11. As true as scriptural principles are in general, they often require to an individual’s needs, problems, weaknesses, and gifts.
  12. Lay out the options, explain God’s , urge counselees to do what’s right, and then tell them they have a to make. The counselor make it for them.
  13. Most people in counseling feel like , as though they’re They feel they don’t have any or decisions available.
  14. The of preaching and counseling is: applying God’s .
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Chapter Four
Regeneration, Deliverance, or Therapy?

  1. No pastor can become an in every of the human condition.
  2. Two factors that complicate a diagnosis are:
    • A. how factors, especially childhood experiences, can impact or impede spiritual healing
    • B. the difference between possession and its most popular imitator,
  3. Abuse can take forms. The worst is not physical but .
  4. In later life psychological scars can with a person’s spiritual development and a free, unhindered experience of Christ.
  5. Merely people in the “attributes of God,” teaching them about who God really is, is only of the counseling task.
  6. False is another example of psychological damage that can hinder spiritual growth.
  7. Neurotic guilt does not respond to , whether it is offered by human beings or God. It only knows . It demands to be . It let up even when all is fully restored.
  8. God’s is far greater than ours, and His concern is much more for our than our comfort.
  9. Falsely attributing emotional problems to demons removes the victim from for recognizing and human .
  10. Schizophrenia is a disease frequently labeled as demon possession. Schizophrenia is a result of a in brain chemistry. can cure people of it.
  11. Some basic symptoms of schizophrenia include:
    • A. marked social or withdrawal
    • B. marked inability to as wage-earner, student, or homemaker
    • C. markedly behavior
    • D. marked impairment in personal and grooming
    • E. digressive, , over-elaborate conversation, or of conversation, or lack of in conversation
    • F. odd beliefs or thinking that affect behavior
    • G. unusual
    • H. marked lack of or energy
  12. Diagnosis of demon possession is usually a matter of the obvious of the first.
  13. The “law of parsimony” requires that counselors try to understand a problem at its most and level.
  14. List the steps to apply the “law of parsimony” to the pastoral counselor’s task of determining the nature of a person’s problem.
    • A. take a careful
    • B. consider causes first
    • C. at the most obvious level first
    • D. consider causes
    • E. consider the need for
    • F. don’t delay in
  15. A thorough should provide a clear picture of what troubles the person, how it started, and the of the problem.
  16. factors strongly influence the severe mental disorders.
  17. Responsibility as pastor end when a referral is made.
  18. Never try to diagnose causes by yourself.
  19. Avoid with demonic causes. Focus rather on the and we have in Christ.
  20. Without the that God works in the core of our being, all human endeavor to improve the quality of life (mental or physical) is .
  21. Regeneration literally means “,” and only when the (or “heart”) is regenerated can counseling or psychotherapy make a significant difference.
  22. Therapy or counseling does not do the work of ; it merely aids it.
  23. When you feel that a person’s problem is your training or expertise, the person to someone capable.
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Part One Review
(Covering Chapters 1-4)

  1. People who feel helpless or short on control need their attention drawn to .
  2. Use Scripture not to but to outline a new direction. (p. 19)
  3. In formal counseling situations never be on the premises with the counselee. (p. 27)
  4. A pastor/counselor has essentially three things to offer the counselee (p. 32):
    • A. unconditional
    • B. trained
    • C. an of trust
  5. Primary safeguards to use when using counseling as a source of illustrations are: (p. 45)
    • A. illustrate more with circumstances dealt with on numerous occasions
    • B. request to tell someone’s story
    • C. use stories from the
  6. R.6 A history should include the following: (p. 59)
    • A. details of background
    • B. history of patterns in the family
    • C. history of illness in the family
    • D. history of the presenting
    • E. when the problem first
    • F. how it occurs
    • G. the that have taken place in recent history
    • H. history of experience and practice
    • I. experience of —when, where, and how?
    • J. patterns of spiritual since conversion
  7. The misapplication of a solution may delay appropriate treatment of serious disorders. (p. 63)
  8. By the same token, the exclusive use of treatments for spiritual problems is costly and dangerous to the . (p. 63)
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Part Two
Counseling Situations

Chapter Five
Crisis Situations

  1. Crises don’t come at times. Crises have the potential to and expand.
  2. First we must know what is a crisis. If we treat every as a crisis, we will be full-time crisis .
  3. A counselor typically faces two kinds of crises:
    • A. those he feels and to manage
    • B. those that him
  4. How can a minister/counselor keep a clear head in a crises situation?

  5. Burnout hits pastors and counselors who repeatedly face situations that their .
  6. A crisis is an opportunity to:
    • A. help people
    • B. cause to deepen
    • C. have a sense of
  7. Meaningful helps pull crisis victims out of isolation. has innate authority.
  8. Few things communicate and concern more than listening.
  9. Rarely are counseling situations from the first session.
  10. Crisis victims have to make many , life-changing decisions, and usually in a period of time.
  11. People in crisis desperately need someone who can identify the issues, sort the , and clarify values.
  12. The job of and interpretation is one of our most important.
  13. Crises can easily get out of . Victims can quickly lose .
  14. People in crisis before a dark future; they need light shed on the step. They need to look forward to care and attention in the future.
  15. Each type of crisis requires skills, attention, and .
  16. Crises are -defining, -setting moments for people. If someone stands at their side, representing and offering compassionate help, they often will draw to God.
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Chapter Six
Short-term Care

  1. The goal of -term psychotherapy is to bring about basic changes in the of the counselee. This process of breaking down patterns and installing ones takes a great deal of time.
  2. Short-term counseling can be a and effective tool for helping people in emotional and spiritual trouble.
  3. Short-term counseling by definition is brief: to weeks.
  4. counseling is perhaps the most common situation in which pastors do short-term counseling.
  5. The following questions can be used to assess a situation.
    • A. Is there an on-going family or personal going on in this person’s life? Is there a pattern in this issue?
    • B. Is evident in this problem?
    • C. Is there evidence of / behavior with this problem?
    • D. Is there a long-term pattern of behavior?
    • E. Is this an issue that requires a ?
  6. Some studies indicate that people can be tilted toward addictive behavior by both and factors.
  7. Some problems are just a matter of bad timing, bad , or poor . These problems can often be corrected with or hours of counseling.
  8. Sometimes counselors are so anxious to get people of their pain they make the biggest mistake of all— a long-term symptom while doing short-term counseling.
  9. People often the core issues of their problems even from themselves. By letting people the hook too quickly counselors become unwitting in their denial, their compulsions, and their sins.
  10. Assessing the problem is the task in the first session. Next the counselor needs to determine what the counselee to happen in counseling sessions.
  11. Having a time frame tends to focus everyone’s on the task at hand. Short-term counseling should take place within that are agreed upon at the outset.
  12. In short-term counseling, the goal is to help counselees understand:
    • A. they do what they do
    • B. what they would like to do
    • C. to do things differently
  13. Assignments give counselees a sense that they’re already moving , the process is in motion, and are beginning to surface.
  14. The second session has to answer what question?
  15. 6.16 The main reasons for not completing assignments are these:
    • A.
    • B. looking for solutions
    • C. avoidance of
    • D. outright
  16. Strong to homework assignments tells the counselor that the counselee’s mechanisms have kicked in—and that’s a clue that deep, long-term emotional forces are at work in the counselee’s issues, and that usually means .
  17. The counselor doesn’t anybody. God and the counselee must do the work of . If counselees are to work, change will take place. People have to their own problems.
  18. Closure means that have surfaced, have been clarified, and the counselee can now see the to wholeness.
  19. Whether the counselee to walk that road or not is up to the , not he pastor.
  20. The final session is a time to the past and look to the future. It is also a time to let the counselee know that the door is if he or she ever needs a session.
  21. The final session is also a time to point the counselee to additional that will keep the healing process going—, tape series, an adult Christian education class on Sunday mornings, or groups and organizations.
  22. Wholeness is not a . It’s a . In this life we never arrive; we’re always in . Life is a .
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Chapter Seven
Long-term Care

  1. Long-term counseling tries to help people with serious problems to function .
  2. Usually the a problem is created in a person’s life, the that counseling is needed.
  3. Long-term counseling focuses more on the than the conscious. The unconscious is all the stuff we’re of, both motives and forces that control us without us knowing it.
  4. Short-term counseling works with the and redirects and channels it.
  5. There are occasions when it is wise for a pastor to counsel long-term:
    • A. no adequate referral is
    • B. the client can’t professional care
    • C. the pastor is in a in short-term counseling
  6. There are some problems pastors should not counsel:
    • A. severe disorders
    • B. immoral
  7. Borderline personalities can be , erratic, and seductive. They also are great .
  8. The guilt issue masks the pathology, and the pastor’s role as a representative of the church and its moral standards will find that it gets in the way of therapy.
  9. The who provides a moral conscience collaborates with and counterbalances the , who must provide a non-judgmental atmosphere so that a client will practice self-exploration.
  10. Many people, because of verbal or sexual by their fathers, have a image of God. Such people need long-term counseling to deal with their and their .
  11. Guilt—healthy guilt, not neurotic guilt—is a issue, a topic the pastor is better trained to address.
  12. A pastor also has unique resources—services of and public worship—that can help people realize God’s forgiveness.
  13. Share as much of the overall as possible with clients. This helps them stay , that even though progress seems slow or non-existent at times, there is a that is being followed.
  14. “Structuring” is the technical term professional counselors use to the nature, limits, and of the counseling process.
  15. Setting time limits begins with setting the limits of the unit. The -minute hour has evolved as the standard.
  16. Remember that most of the healing in therapy takes place not in the session but sessions. The session is actually only a boost, an in the healing process.
  17. Long-term counseling aims for a in the person’s basic , lifestyle, or personality.
  18. In the early stage of counseling the goal is to get through the outer system.
  19. In the middle stages of counseling people start sharing concerns. Embarrassing things, almost things begin to emerge.
  20. In the final stage of counseling, the counselor and client begin to pull together in a meaningful way the and insights that have emerged. The client now begins to see connections, how decisions and actions lead to and how those can be avoided if she makes the right decisions.
  21. In the final stage of counseling the counselor suggests courses of action to speed the .
  22. The nature of the problem determines what “” means.
  23. Termination is the process by which the counselor helps the client:
    • A. what’s happened in the counseling
    • B. the main insights
    • C. to progress
    • D. for the near future
    • E. the counseling relationship
  24. Some people resist because they’ve become dependent on the counselor.
  25. Counseling is never done until the is resolved. You cannot terminate long-term counseling in the middle of a .
  26. Long-term counseling gives the unparalleled opportunity to witness firsthand the subtle yet healing that brings.
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Chapter Eight
Counseling Men, Counseling Women

  1. Identifying the between men and women can help in many Form Html counseling situations. The are subtle, and not always do they follow a stereotyped pattern.
  2. Women usually volunteer information than you need, men than you would like.
  3. Men often have to be probed with questions to find out the scope of their problem.
  4. Men tend to wrestle more with problems in their and less with problems at home.
  5. Women tend to struggle more with .
  6. Men expect a .
  7. Many men are afraid they’re going to break down during counseling.
  8. Women are afraid that the counselor is not going to think well of them if they tell him some dark or secret or .
  9. Men are more embarrassed by , particularly in business or in supporting their families.
  10. People who feel excessively responsible for others are classified as . They take far more for things than they ought to take.
  11. Narcissists are people who believe the world exists to them. They are -absorbed.
  12. Narcissists also tend to be more to their own sins and their own collusion in events.
  13. Up to age 40, men focus on their careers; a shift takes place when he hits his mid-forties:
    • A. Men start to get in touch with their and their .
    • B. The man may also try to build new to his wife.
    • C. Men get in touch with their .
  14. What period in a man’s life is critical for the counselor to be aware of?
  15. It’s not unusual for a woman client to become attracted to her pastor/counselor.
  16. Once a woman is seduced, she is subject to falling in and then being sexually attracted to the pastor.
  17. To avoid emotional seduction is first to be aware of the the counselor’s caring has over women.
  18. Make sure that expressions on the counselor’s part are not subject to .
  19. A pastor should be able to recognize a personalities, especially a female borderline. Here are a few of the more recognizable traits:
    • A. alternates between extremes of the counselor and then him
    • B. in at least two areas that are potentially -damaging, i.e., spending, sex, substance use, shoplifting, reckless driving, binge eating.
    • C. frequent displays of , constant , recurrent physical fights
    • D. recurrent threats or gestures, or self- behavior
    • E. chronic feeling of or boredom
    • F. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined
  20. Almost all borderline women were early in their lives, have emotionally fathers, or were sexually by fathers.
  21. Borderlines can be extremely . go to a woman’s home or apartment . Never counsel in your office without person being in the building.
  22. Many women come to a counselor to experience some of the strokes they did not get or can no longer get from their fathers.
  23. Pastors have to be especially careful with abused women. Relationships need to be built without being or .
  24. For many men the counselor becomes the whom they could never talk with.
  25. Many women cannot think about their , about what they ought to do, until they have first worked through their about a matter.
  26. Men are ready to as soon as they step in the door. But for a healthy solution to come about, they too need to their .
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Chapter Nine
All in the Family

  1. Every problem has a and to solve a problem counselors often have to work on this same .
  2. The Bible teaches: God has designed us to live in . No one has an problem that doesn’t in some way the family and isn’t in some way affected by the family.
  3. If the family problem is deeply rooted—it has gone on for a or more, it has biological roots, or a family member has a serious disorder—then most pastors are wise to make a referral.
  4. When a family is causing a person deep psychological stress but to become part of the person’s healing, that’s when a can be a great help.
  5. The pastor is one of the few professionals who can seek out and encourage a family to get help without raising about .
  6. Generally, reconciliation and is more powerfully and effectively handled by a counselor than by a professional counselor. Such issues are more than psychological in nature.
  7. The counselor easily gets caught in the trap of seeing the problem only from the point of view, forming a therapeutic with the counselee against the family.
  8. Try to see the issue from the point of view.
  9. The beauty of counseling people in context is this: the counselor is not caught up in forming an with the counselee against the rest of the world; the counselor is more concerned about the truthfulness of what is going on.
  10. It is a mistake for counselors to think they can change the third dimension of a . Counselors can change only a relationship of which they are a .
  11. One extremely important rule should guide all family counseling: . That is, no forming an alliance with another with the express purpose of a third party.
  12. There is a difference between and secrets.
  13. Sometimes groundwork must be done before is shared.
  14. Although there are exceptions, the counselor’s usual course is to strongly encourage clients to their loved ones any information that directly on their present relationship.
  15. As a counselor begins working with families, they should stay aware of two dangers.
    • A.
    • B.
  16. The best way to prevent the sabotaging of the counseling is to the counselor’s probing.
  17. The counselor mustn’t that the family’s diagnosis is correct just because they all happen to agree about the problem.
  18. The best way to deal with the tendency to overreact and control is by working as much as possible with individuals one at a time. Break family problems into small . Talk with each person .
  19. When the counselee’s problem is serious and the family member coming in, the counselor may want to build on any real in the situation.
  20. Families change. They change very .
  21. With patience and on the Holy Spirit, not only can individuals but entire families as well, even to the next generation.
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Part Two Review
(Covering Chapters 5-9)

Answer the following either TRUE (T) or FALSE (F)

  1. Presence is powerful.
  2. People need help interpreting their feelings.
  3. It’s not important to have an agenda for each session and the process.
  4. The pastor should not have defined times of the week for counseling.
  5. The counselor needs to be sensitive to the counselee’s pace of revelation.
  6. The counselor is unable to see what’s going on deep inside an individual.
  7. The ministry of presence is a lot more important with women.
  8. The ministry of providing options is more important for men.
  9. Women tend to be neurotics. Men tend to be narcissists. (p. 113)
  10. The depth of the differences between men and women is profound.
  11. If counselors aren’t careful to seek out the whole truth before applying therapy, the outcome can be less than ideal.
  12. Studies have shown that one out of three children who report abuse from their parents distort the truth. (p. 128)
  13. Families are willing to change their system of interacting.
  14. Working with families means bringing the whole family together for counseling.
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Part Three
Problems Counseling Brings

Chapter Ten
Fitting It In

  1. Three types of care a pastor manages are:
    • A. care
    • B. care
    • B. care
  2. Give schmooze care and church services, in the hallways during the week as activities are going on in the building, and over the .
  3. Schmooze care can appointments by trolling for problems that can be dealt with .
  4. People won’t usually tell us pastors/counselors if they a test. They just don’t themselves to the counselor. They keep a safe distance, their problems, or go to another church.
  5. Ask people to plan for the counseling session. They arrive , mentally , able to address problems more thoroughly.
  6. Develop a of proven helping and counselors in the community to which you can refer people.
  7. Preaching is a key time to equip people for ministry.
  8. To maintain healthy attitudes about a hectic ministry nurture three traits:
    • A.
    • B.
    • C.
  9. Learn to forgive yourself for not being .
  10. Forgiveness is equally important for happily pastors.
  11. A balanced ministry will be an ministry.
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Chapter Eleven
Transference: Loosening the Tie That Blinds

  1. “Transference” is the projecting unmet feelings and desires into the counseling relationship, feelings and desires that belong else.
  2. Countertransference is when the projects unmet feelings and desires into the mix that belong elsewhere.
  3. An intimate but relationship between a pastor and a church member does not always involve sex.
  4. Most liaisons emerge out of relationships, some start when a minister has to work closely with someone on a or project.
  5. What is done with the attraction is what’s . Whether counselors/ pastors to it, deny or it (which is often the gateway to increased vulnerability later on), or honestly and courageously with the attraction will be determined not only by our spiritual but also by our level of self-understanding and professional .
  6. A minister’s life does not guarantee in the counseling room or the more subtle encounters of committee or project work.
  7. For many centuries Scripture has warned pastors to be on guard when they feel most ! Sexual attraction can occur as easily when one is married as when one is not.
  8. All ministers are vulnerable to affairs for the following reasons:
    • A. the relationship
    • B. the pastoral
    • C. the of sexual urges
    • D. the situation
    • E. stages
  9. Many ministers (and Christians in general) their and see in it a tremendous potential for sin. Although they are fundamentally right, the healthier way to deal with the sex drive is to bring it into the and courageously and master it.
  10. An affair can easily be encouraged when the need for is great and the marriage does not provide an opportunity for sharing.
  11. Almost every decade brings its own period of , demanding a major adjustment of values and behavior.
  12. Recognizing the danger signals of countertransference is crucial. Some signals are:
    • A. The pastor begins to forward to the counseling sessions with a parishioner.
    • B. Very soon the pastor begins to the session time and may even grant counseling sessions.
    • C. Hidden or oblique are sent both ways.
    • D. Counseling sessions may spend an inordinate amount of time on matters.
    • E. The pastor may begin to notice more his or her own frustrations.
    • F. The pastor begins to excessively and then exclusively about the client.
    • G. He makes excuses to her and have conversations with her.
    • H. Casual becomes more frequent, and the sessions end with that become more prolonged or intense.
  13. It has long been recognized in psychiatry and psychology that the difference between a and an therapist is that the former recognizes the personality and runs away faster.
  14. The safest way to deal with transference is simply to it as one would receive feeling of a client.
  15. Be about the transference although this should be done only at a stage, and only when it can be done without the client.
  16. Don’t hesitate to make a to a trusted Christian psychotherapist if the transference gets out of hand. A mark of professional competence is your .
  17. What does a pastor do with those warm, loving feelings (countertransference) toward a client?
    • A. share these feelings with your counselee
    • B. understand the between countertransference and simple attraction
    • C. be aware of your needs for
    • D. develop a system of
  18. Some ministers build around themselves, to let their spouses see their intimate thoughts and feelings.
  19. Whether the lack of intimacy is created by one or both partners the is the same: the couple needs to build a , more secure marriage in which they both can openly about their fears, sufferings, sorrows, guilt, and misery.
  20. Tournier’s advice is: “The best against sexual is to be able to speak honestly of them and to find, in the understanding, without any trace of complicity whatsoever, effective and help needed to overcome them.”
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Chapter Twelve
Maintaining Your Psychological Balance

  1. Pastors are susceptible to emotional . Yet the minister’s emotional is indispensable for effective counseling and longevity in the profession.
  2. A meaningful and ongoing life is the element to a pastor’s psychological health.
  3. Prayer not only puts our ministries into , it is the means by which we are given divine and wisdom to do the work God has called us to.
  4. Getting “,” or hooked, is counseling jargon for letting your own concerns cloud and distort the counseling process.
  5. Counseling pastors are with a wealth of information about their clients. them with potentially damaging information is unethical and unprofessional.
  6. Voyeurism means gaining sexual from a safe distance. By asking questions to the counseling process, pastors can become , using the guise of counseling to gratify their unmet needs.
  7. Maintaining emotional equilibrium also requires that counselors set personal limits in five areas. They are:
    • A. recognize the of clients he can emotionally handle each week
    • B. put a ceiling on the number of cases in his counseling load
    • C. balance his counseling load with clients he truly working with
    • D. create artificial between him and his ministry
    • E. refuse to accept his problems as his own
  8. There is a tremendous temptation to people from their . But there’s efficacy in pain; pain is a great . By refusing to alleviate their pain, we strengthen them in the process and safeguard the emotional well- being of our soul as well.
  9. Ongoing for the counselor is another fundamental to long- term emotional health.
  10. is another reason why ministers need a mate, whether close friend or spouse.
  11. Accountability bolsters the resolve of pastors, keeping them of their own and alert for psychological duplicity.
  12. Pastors, to be healthy, must be working through their issues, experiencing firsthand God’s healing in their lives.
  13. Emotional for the pastor is not about personal but a growing self-awareness.
  14. A sense of is another component critical to emotional equilibrium in the ministry.
  15. Humor also is a key not to taking yourself too . There’s only Messiah, and that position’s already taken.
  16. Whether it’s biking, golfing, or gardening, pastors should cultivate activities that their energies from ministry. That’s even more true of those who do a lot of .
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Epilogue

  1. The hearts of pastoral counselors pound with , healing, love, , wisdom, and .
  2. Pastoral counselors know the church as a Christian , in its holiness as well as its .
  3. In their pastor, counselees find strength, , wisdom,, maturity.
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Part Three Review
(Covering Chapters 10-12)

  1. Many problems of the result from feeling nobody cares. (p. 141)
  2. Schmooze care works as effective . (p. 142)
  3. All people see our own needs as , never minor. We naturally want attention. (p. 142)
  4. Therapy produces a closeness that can easily be mislabeled “.” (p. 152)
  5. Ministers are often people, and they sometimes themselves off from others. By so doing they will likely at some point find themselves intimacy, praise, or admiration. (p. 157)
  6. The to be emotionally present with your wife and family is a good indicator they you are on relational .
  7. If you start believing you have the answers for all the world’s problems, you’ve over the line of what makes for psychological balance. (p. 164)
  8. The field of human is broad, and counseling pastors, to stay relevant, need professional development. (p. 168)
  9. at our human entanglements liberates us from taking ourselves too seriously. (p. 169)
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16 Tips for the Pastor Counselor

  1. Do not advertise your services. You may be competent to counsel, but you are first and foremost a pastor-teacher.
  2. Be careful to confine most of your counseling to your own people.
  3. Watch your schedule and do not let counseling rob you of study time and other vital aspects of your ministry.
  4. Keep well read in the field of counseling. Start with: Competent to Counsel by Jay E. Adams; The Christian Counselor’s Manual, also by Adams; and The Psychology of Counseling by Clyde Narramore.
  5. Take care of your own family. Unless your family is emotionally and spiritually healthy, it is difficult to help others.
  6. Learn to listen. Don’t be afraid of silence. Wait for responses.
  7. Be a careful observer. Don’t assume anything.
  8. Confine counseling to the pastor’s office or study. A secretary should stay near at hand and be ready to respond to a call, if needed.
  9. Be sympathetic but never get personally involved.
  10. Make it clear that you are not simply a counselor and that as his/her pastor you expect the person to attend church on Sunday.
  11. Assign the counselee to read verses related to the need and to finish the reading before the next appointment. You may also want to assign a book or chapters of a book to be read.
  12. Make sure the counselee is willing to discuss his or her personal salvation. Give the plan of salvation in each case, even if the person claims to be a Christian.
  13. Do not be discouraged with failure. Ask yourself:
    • Did you have all the necessary data?
    • Was the person genuinely interested in making changes?
    • Were you talking about problems only, rather than talking about God’s solutions?
    • Were you focusing on the wrong problem?
    • Is the problem really an issue of open rebellion?
    • Is the counselee willing to settle for something less than the Scriptural solution?
    • Has the counselee been praying, reading Scripture, and availing himself/herself of Christian fellowship?
    • Are chemical dependencies part of the problem?
  14. Keep all conversations in strictest confidence.
  15. Do not take sides in marital counseling. Be honest. Do not be afraid to tell the truth.
    • Don’t hesitate to refer the person to an outside counselor. Don’t attempt to help more than you are able. Look for, meet with, and refer counselors who operate from a Christian, Biblical perspective.

—Dr. Charles U. Wagner

Across

  1. counseling should not rob the pastor of time
  2. keep all conversations in strictest
  3. wait for
  4. Jay has written good counseling books
  5. the person must want to make
  6. expect attendance at
  7. the solution must be
  8. do not take in marital counseling

Down

  1. it is usually unwise for a pastor to his services
  2. give the plan of
  3. counsel in the pastor's
  4. don't anything