Counseling the Bereaved

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Counseling the Bereaved

Counseling the
Bereaved

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Counseling the Bereaved

Answer the following as you read

Ministering To The Mourning

By Warren and David Wiersbe

Preface to the Revised Edition

  1. Thanatology is the study of and .
  2. The better equipped pastors are to comfort the , the better able they are to effectively and the entire church family.

    3. Foreword

  3. If we want to bear people’s sorrows, we cannot be ignorant of the forms takes.
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Chapter One
Death and Contemporary American Culture

  1. We live in a society that invents harmless antiseptic words for . But avoiding the word doesn’t the experience.
  2. The news may gradually you and slowly you of the sensitivity of heart that we all need if we’re going to be balanced and build healthy personal relationships.
  3. Humans are created in the image of God, and therefore death involves important matters such as , judgment, and .
  4. The sovereign Lord is the only One who can us from the consequences that lie beyond death.
  5. The five responses (or stages) that terminal patients usually experience as they await death are:
    A. .
    B. .
    C. .
    D. .
    E. .
  6. can appear as an angel of light.
  7. comes from the Greek and means “easy death” or “good death.”
  8. Euthanasia refers only to the of dying, not to what happens to the individual after death. Physicians and legislators have no over people in the afterlife.
  9. Abortion gives society the idea that we’re in of death.
  10. is keeping a dead body frozen for possible revival. is another means through which humans try to have the last word over death.
  11. Embryonic stem cell research is yet another area in which the of is practiced.
  12. Most existentialists practice faith in self, not faith in .
  13. As we minister to people, their worldview will either out God or the door to His truth.
  14. We need an of the Word of God, the of the Spirit of God, and a for these people for whom Christ died.
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Chapter Two
Death in the Old Testament

  1. The definition of death is “the body without the spirit is dead…”(James 2:26).
  2. Death still , but there’s no reason why should reign in the life of the believer. God invites us to “reign in ” as we yield to the Lord.
  3. Death is still God’s universal of sin. No one can escape , and Jesus Christ holds the keys of and Hades.
  4. It’s important to understand relationship to death. Since sin eventually leads to death, and knows how to tempt people to sin, in this sense he has the power of death.
  5. The death of a believer in God’s sight is so and that it doesn’t happen by accident.
  6. The fact of death reminds us that opportunities don’t last forever and that each day for is essential.
  7. Match the image/metaphor for death to the Bible verse.
    blot the name out A. Genesis 3:19
    bowl broken B. Isaiah 25:7
    darkness C. Psalm 69:28
    dust D. Ecclesiastes 12:6
    shroud E. Psalm 88:12
  8. The phrase “ with one’s fathers” or “ with one’s fathers” is used many times in the Old Testament as an image of natural death, joining one’s ancestors in the realm of the dead.
  9. In Jewish society, for a dead body to lie unburied was , and for a dead person not to be mourned publicly was .
  10. Christian today are expected to , but not “like the rest of men, who have no hope”. Even in our grief, God should be .
  11. The gospel message is not only that Christ for our sins, but also that He has from the dead.
  12. The of the land of the dead are not encouraging. It’s a place of , dust and worms, , no praise of God, off from God’s care, and awesome .
  13. We must not include our in a funeral message, for people going through the valley are looking for , and we have plenty of those in Scripture.
  14. Enoch and Elijah bear witness to the of heaven and the that those who live by faith in the Lord will one day go there.
  15. Life is a stewardship: we can it, it, or it in that which is eternal.
  16. Solomon understood the of death. Nobody knows the day of his or her death, so we had all better live by and do what the Lord tells us to do.
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CHAPTER THREE
Death in the New Testament

  1. The Greek poet Theocritus wrote, “There is for those who are alive, but hose who have died are without .”
  2. Jesus never criticized genuine . Believers who die go to be with the Lord, but those who are left behind sorely miss them, and is our normal response to painful separation.
  3. Because of Christ’s sufferings, death for us has lost its and its and may be compared to falling asleep.
  4. For the believer, death means the are over, the are set aside, and we move to a better country where we will understand the that perplexed us in life.
  5. Jesus deals with four different resurrections: the resurrection of lost sinners who trust Him; His resurrection; the future resurrection of believers to ; and the future resurrection of the lost to .
  6. There are no of death, only of decay. All sinners are dead, but some are more decayed than others.
  7. We partake of Christ by receiving His . To participate in His life now and the resurrection unto life in the future, we must in Jesus Christ and Him within, just as the body receives food. He is the of Life.
  8. Nothing anybody does on earth can the of lost people who have died, whose spirits are in the realm of the dead.
  9. In our times of crushing , we can experience His resurrection power today. As long as Jesus is alive, we know our dead are with Him and will one day experience glory.
  10. The Lord is the God of the and the God of the .
  11. Heaven is a place, and the hope Jesus gives us is a and lasting hope, because it is a living hope. The resurrection of Jesus Christ declares to believers that death is not the , nor is it the .
  12. Christian believers can death and yet on life, because Jesus is the resurrection and the life and the keys of death and Hades.
  13. It’s likely that Stephen’s prayer and death had a great deal to do with Saul’s heart for his conversion experience. We never know how God will the death of a believer that to us seems tragic.
  14. Believers ought to be available to the bereaved to show their , share their , and in any way they can. It isn’t wrong to a lost friend or to people for the faithful service they gave to the Lord while they lived.
  15. To Paul, death for the believer was an event, not just a natural human experience. It was the last on earth to Christ, and he wanted to make the most of it.
  16. Salvation involves the person, not just the soul or spirit, and what we do with our bodies our relationship with God and our ministry to the lost.
  17. Christians today live in the “ mores” or Romans 5, but one day we shall enjoy the “ mores” of Revelation 20-21!
  18. Jesus saw heaven as a and not just a .
  19. When our lives are motivated by heaven, we will be like Jesus, who endured the cross because of “the set before him,” the of returning to heaven, and the of one day presenting His glorious bride to the Father.
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Chapter Four
Death and the Physician

  1. It is critically important that the pastor or other provider of care the role at the end of life—as well as his or her relationship with the patient’s family.
  2. Patients see their physician as the , and they want his in facing the future. The doctor doesn’t want to more than he can deliver should the patient die much sooner, nor does he want to be if the patient lives much longer.
  3. Survival depends a great deal on the of disease or injury, the patient’s and will to live, the medical procedures used, the of family and friends, and the of relationship between the patient, the family, and the doctor.
  4. The pastor or counselor must approach with “ directness” the matter of when death may occur. Patients must be to trust God.
  5. From the medical point of view there are different kinds of death.
    A. .
    B. .
  6. The Council of the International Organization of Medical Science identified five elements that must be present in order to declare a person clinically dead.
    A. no to the environment
    B. no or muscle tone
    C. no spontaneous
    D. a sudden decline in
    E. a electroencephalogram (EEG)
  7. Biblically, a human being has both a material and an immaterial part called the and . Death occurs when the leaves the body, and at that point the body begins to decay and return to the dust.
  8. Some of the questions for careful consideration for “pulling the plug” are:
    A. Are we following what we know are the directives?
    B. Are we death or death?
    C. Which is more important, to suffering or life?
    D. What will be further if the patient continues to live?
    E. Are forms of medical care available?
    F. Are we following medical or personal ?
  9. For the Christian, in the sovereign will of God gives for making these demanding decisions. He always ends life when the time comes.
  10. If God is the of life, then only He can it away, and events must run their course. If God has determined the number of our days, then we cannot go beyond them, but we can hasten the day of our death.
  11. Faith tells us that the Lord’s are fulfilled even in experiences we can’t understand. To end a life prematurely is to God, something none of us are qualified to do.
  12. As we minister to patients and interact with medical personnel, it’s crucial that we be aware of the issue of . The only way a spiritual caregiver can get information about a patient and the patient’s condition is from the .
  13. Medical personnel want to be helpful, but we must speak or act in any way that would put them in a situation. Let’s play by the rules and not be a part of the .
  14. As Christian caregivers, our role is to a healthy relationship between patient and physician and to questions and seek accurate answers.
  15. We also want to sustain and strengthen personal in and to remind the patient and the medical team that life and death are in hands, but what we do with life and how we death is up to us.
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Chapter FiveDeath and the Christian Caregiver

  1. People seem to forget that death is:
    A. a divine
    B. a act of God
    C. isn’t or meaningless
    D. an
    E. a
    F. the great
  2. 5.2 Psalm 90 suggests that the reality of death should remind us of God’s , man’s , life’s , the importance of using our time , and the necessity of having a in life.
  3. Our task is not to people from the pain of grief but to them in drawing upon the spiritual resources available through Jesus Christ.
  4. The mourner usually goes through eight stages before coming to acceptance and peace.
    A.
    B.
    C.
    D.
    E.
    F.
    G.
    H.
  5. is God’s way of temporarily anesthetizing us so we can face the reality of the situation without falling apart.
  6. 5.6 The ability to and not be ashamed of it is a good thing, and when it’s absent, it’s a for the caregiver to get more involved.
  7. The death of a loved one often means that deep relationships have been and that life must be completely .
  8. In many respects life be the same again, but the bereaved person can learn to make . These people need to be lovingly that they will gradually heal, get a new perspective, and to life with its duties and delights.
  9. guilt can be forgiven through confessing the sin to the Lord and claiming His promised forgiveness, but guilt must be confronted in a gentle but firm way.
  10. is our response to a real or imagined threat. Used in a mature way, is one of the most powerful of the defense mechanisms.
  11. Family and friends must encourage the person to be a part of the family circle, to out of the house occasionally, to gradually the normal routine.
  12. What life does us depends largely on what life finds us, and that’s where in Jesus Christ comes in.
  13. God has ordained that we heal our own broken heart; we need the of others, and they need our .
  14. Before or after the funeral, the minister may find himself or herself functioning as at a family feud, and it’s important to remain and and seek to be an “instrument of God’s peace.”
  15. God’s people live on and not , so refer the hurting person to the great promises of God.
  16. Ever since the fall of Adam, has been inextricably interwoven with human experience.
  17. God can be no matter what He permits to happen, because He us too much to harm us, and He’s too wise to make a mistake.
  18. Wise caregivers accept their feelings expressed and gently answer the and not the . They don’t or lecture.
  19. What are two appropriate responses to those questions that don’t have answers?
    A. A.
  20. The weekly sermon is an unparalleled for biblical about death as well as life, mortality as well as immortality.
  21. Many churches sponsor that deal with preparing a , preparing a living will, the funeral, estate planning, caring for the , andother allied topics, and they bring in experts to lead them.
  22. When death occurs in a family, go to see them.
  23. saying, “I know just how you feel.” They think you do.
  24. Keep what you see and hear in private.
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Chapter Six
Death and the Funeral Director

  1. The usual procedure in the ancient world was (interment) with or without embalming, and this is the practice in the Western world today.
  2. The of the United States meant that many families lived in smaller quarters and funerals could no longer be conducted in homes.
  3. Mortuary science students were taught not only how to the body for viewing and for burial, but also how to provide in planning the funeral service and giving to the mourners.
  4. The average family has to deal with death only once every years, and most people are for the decisions they must make.
  5. More and more people are opting for one evening of visitation, a burial with a brief graveside service, and then a memorial service where the emphasis is on the of life. The casket is becoming the norm.
  6. The Christian life has its aspects so let’s not become super-spiritual and discount the importance of the body in life or in death.
  7. As caregivers, we don’t interfere with the financial aspects of funerals unless:
    A. We are our opinion
    B. or, it’s that the people in charge are making decisions that will create serious problems later on.
  8. One of the most difficult problems is the grieving spouse or parent who wants to his or her life to the burial of their loved one. This is the time to work with the and guide the mourner into calmer and safer waters.
  9. If the deceased had a burial plan, the body will go to the funeral home selected. If there is no burial plan, the family will have to get together and a funeral home.
  10. An is not needed unless the family requests it or the law requires it.
  11. The funeral director will provide as many copies of the death as you need.
  12. Most cemeteries require the casket to be placed in an approved to maintain a uniform level to the ground and to avoid unforeseen problems that could threaten the and its .
  13. The casket should be chosen that best fits the family and best the character and reputation of the deceased.
  14. Ministering to the bereaved and conducting funerals will require a great deal of time and work, and an would not be out of order.
  15. Be sure to get the funeral data , and arrive for the service!
  16. Don’t get in the of the funeral director, but work with him as a fellow caregiver, and to share the love of God.
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Chapter Seven
Death and the Family:
The Pastoral Opportunity

  1. Suffering people call for the minister or the chaplain because these set-apart servants the Lord and His church, and people in crises need God’s help.
  2. The of the reinforces God’s love for hurting people and makes that love real to them. We earn the right to be in public when we have demonstrated compassionate in private.
  3. The minister finds out when the family will be going to the funeral home to view the body and plans to arrive them to meet them at the door and with them when they first see their loved one’s remains.
  4. The pastor’s approach at each visit with the dying person is the same: the person to talk; attentively; with fears and unresolved issues; and to make Christ real in the valley of the shadow.
  5. If death is imminent, major on the great assurance passages, such as John ; Romans ; 2 Corinthians ; and Psalm .
  6. The best reason for home care is, “We her, and we to do this, no matter what the demands or the sacrifices.”
  7. The family needs care as much as the patient, and we must seek to understand the dynamics of the home.
  8. Most church members expect the pastor to read and when visiting the home. Keep home ministry , and don’t let it become routine or .
  9. Caregivers must control their own so they can think clearly, trust the , and bring some calm in the midst of storm. It’s here that we the Spirit of God, the Comforter, to assist us.
  10. Staying with family members in the nearest waiting room will them and keep all of you from getting in the of the busy medical staff.
  11. If a patient wants to die at home, makes that possible and relieves the family of duties they might not be able to handle.
  12. Even if the patient doesn’t seem conscious, go right ahead and quietly the Scriptures and , because is often the sense that functions to the very end.
  13. Be sure to have all the official information you need for the home visit:
    A.
    B.
    C.
    D. of the death
    E. the body is
    F. name of the company or of the rescue unit
    G. and phone of those who can answer questions
  14. If a person has been murdered grief will focus not only on the itself but also on the of the death.
  15. When sudden death occurs to the family where they are, the congregation for support, and the family as they make decisions.
  16. As soon as you get word that there has been a death “in the of ,” go to the family and stay with the family as long as necessary.
  17. About percent of the adult population has experienced the death of a child and percent the death of a sibling.
  18. Couples need to be reminded that men and women grieve . The more frankly they both can their hurts and needs, the the grief and the marriage will be.
  19. Siblings grief is just as as that of the adults in the family, so they should not be as the parents make plans.
  20. There are times when the parents must , but they must also care for the family. The best way to the dead is to take care of the living.
  21. Children must be told something about a death that must be later on.
  22. The care we give must be shaped by a to the patients even if we disagree with their values or lifestyles.
  23. When a suicide occurs, the grieving family finds itself being attacked by some very powerful forces.
    A. They are over why.
    B. They are at a very selfish and foolish act.
    C. They feel .
    D. They feel .
    E. They are over what people will think and say.
    F. They feel and ashamed.
  24. Relatives of a murder victim or a suicide usually experience an grieving period. Let’s keep in with the family and allow the Lord to use us to encourage , hope, and through the Word and prayer.
  25. Grieving persons usually need care and encouragement for after they have laid a loved one to rest.
  26. The mourners return to worship services and their accustomed activities, the they will recover, but they must not be to put on a front just to please their friends.
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Chapter Eight
Death and the Final Good-Bye

  1. The of the service must be on and His glory as revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. He is we need, and He is we need, and we want to honor Him.
  2. The casket should be before the service begins and not opened publicly again.
  3. Human beings are the work of God’s , and the funeral service announces this. The of a life is an encouragement to the living, as well as a commemoration of the dead.
  4. List the purposes of a funeral.
    A. The funeral is a service.
    B. The funeral is to human life created by God.
    C. The funeral people that life is precious and brief, a gift from God not to be wasted.
    D. The funeral is to give to hurting people.
    E. The funeral is an important step toward the mourners accept the reality and finality of the death and the of dealing with their grief in a mature way.
  5. Giving comfort is a ministry of the church as a and not the pastor only, and need to be reminded that the members of the Christian family must and encourage one another in the crisis experiences of life.
  6. True comforters don’t necessarily do a lot of . They know how to , and sometimes they do more good with their silences than with their words. The healing of a loving heart shares much comfort.
  7. A funeral must not be , a “one-size-fits-all” presentation. It must be with the name of the deceased being mentioned.
  8. The order of service usually includes:
    A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H.
  9. A is more than an obituary, because it presents the deceased in a way that expands the bare facts in the obituary. The Latin proverb still applies: “Say nothing but of the dead.”
  10. The minister should use a calm, style at a funeral, as though with the people in their living room.
  11. The message must center on and His and not on people and their failures. It must be and remind people that death is real, that grief is normal, that life is not easy, but that the Lord is for every need.
  12. Answer the following either T (TRUE) or F (FALSE).
    A funeral message is preached for the good of the living, not for the glory of the dead.
    It’s unwise to preach anybody into either heaven or hell.
    It’s possible to schedule funerals weeks in advance.
    Using a biblical text out of context is preferred.
    A funeral message should be long.
  13. Perhaps the word that best describes the ideal funeral message is . We must be to the needs of the family and to the life and testimony (or lack of it) of the deceased.
  14. The priestly benediction of 6:24-26 is always suitable, as is 13:20-21, but there are other verses that can easily be used as benedictions simply by turning them into prayers.
  15. The purpose of the brief service is simply to write “It is finished” over all that has been done.
  16. The natural tendency at a cemetery is for people to look , but we must encourage them to up and to the return of the Lord.
  17. It’s always proper for the presiding minister to the funeral , the , and the for assisting in the service.
  18. It’s wise for the minister to call in the home after the funeral and plan to listen and respond with encouragement.
  19. When “ days” come just advise people to get off by themselves, have a good and the Lord for the memories of their loved ones, and then go out and something for somebody.
  20. The memorial service must be carefully and not left to , with selected music, Scripture readings, a eulogy, and a message from the Word of God.
  21. The post-funeral is a time to affirm Christian , strengthen Christian fellowship, and encourage the bereaved as they begin their journey toward .
  22. After cremation the urn and ashes can be in a cemetery plot, placed in a or the ashes can be at some place that was special to the deceased.
  23. Although there is no known biblical teaching that forbids , the evidence in Scripture is overwhelmingly on the side of .
  24. Cremation accomplishes in a hours what nature does to a buried body over years: both turn the body to .
  25. Don’t use vivid Scriptures that refer to at a cremation service.
  26. The follows the usual liturgy at the military graveside service, concluding with the committal and benediction, and then the take over.
  27. As for the services, ministers and churches have different convictions and practices.
  28. The wise and loving shepherd knows what to and when to be , when to firm and when to graciously.
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Chapter Nine
Challenging Situations

  1. The funeral message must be a “” that reflects the feelings of the listeners and the help God can give them as they go through their dark valley.
  2. A truly biblical message puts a painful situation into a larger context and presents the perspective of eternity.
  3. Conducting the funeral of a is an opportunity to meet other and minister to them. Be authentic, be compassionate, and represent the .
  4. No matter how may be the deceased person’s record, we who minister must be like Jesus and manifest love and acceptance, despising the but not the .
  5. Only the Lord can the heart of self-righteous and self-satisfied moral sinners and make them that their righteousness is but filthy rags in the sight of the Lord.
  6. We must help the mourners reality, the pain and perplexity of all that has happened, and to Christ for the help only He can give.
  7. the mourners that God has not them and that one day we shall fully understand.
  8. We are to make decisions and even to make mistakes, and this means we may from the bad decisions other people make.
  9. The Lord responded in Habakkuk chapter 2 by giving Habakkuk three wonderful assurances:
    A. God’s people live by .
    B. God’s glory will ultimately .
    C. God is on His doing what is right.
  10. When there is no gravesite to memorialize the deceased, you may want to suggest a “” to assist others in their needs, a gift to a children’s hospital or a veterans’ organization.
  11. The service for a child must have its own special . It is , simplicity, the of the lullaby, the soft breath of the nursery—and not the strong wind of a lecture room.
  12. The for an adolescent depends on the and accomplishments of the deceased: athletics, art, music, academics, student government. Let’s not settle for a “ funeral.”
  13. Children from ages to tend to deny the reality of death—the entire experience is unreal to them.
  14. From ages to , children understand the reality and pain of death but don’t quite see how it fits into the scheme of life.
  15. To maturing children from the painful realities of life is . Let’s show and them how to accept life, and let’s not try to explain everything.
  16. We don’t have to God, but we do have to try to them closer to God, and we do that by being our very best with His .
  17. The funeral message isn’t for the teenager but for the teenagers and adults who need to be reminded that life is , death is no respecter of persons, and Jesus wants to be and Master of their lives.
  18. In the funeral message, we must be sensitive who apply biblical insights to a difficult situation, and we will seek to avoid explanations.
  19. Carefully read all of the verses of any that will be sung, lest there be a line or a phrase that could bring to the family. Be careful in your that you don’t say something to the Lord that somebody at the service might .
  20. In today’s pluralistic society you will also find families over their religious faith, and each household wants to follow the most familiar to them. You can’t plan a funeral on the basis of consensus, so the person who you to lead the service is the one to listen to.
  21. It is the conviction of the authors that no minister should conduct the funeral service of a member of congregation unless the of the congregation knows and .
  22. The authors have never felt it necessary to ask a minister or a leader to share in a funeral service, but they have felt it to have the funeral director inform them of the family’s request.
  23. Most ministers will be expected to conduct the funeral service for their life’s or one of their .
  24. If a pastor of your present church dies, the church will send a floral and/or contribute to whatever ministry or charity the family selected, and your board will send an official of tribute and condolence.
  25. Hebrews instructs us to remember our leaders and what they taught us and to imitate their lives as they pointed to Christ and followed Him.
  26. The can work for us as we plan. Use your sanctified and for God’s guidance.
  27. The emphasis on God’s has a ministry to people of faith, especially when we remind them of the future that belongs to every believer.
  28. Focus on the assurances in 1 Corinthians 15 and the hope of the sorrowing.
  29. Job 5:26 is a splendid verse for the funeral of a saint, especially if they were .
  30. The important thing is that the message the occasion and the needs of the family and friends who need comfort.
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Chapter Ten
Questions Pastors and Mourners Ask

  1. Don’t look upon a funeral as an irritating , or your attitude will show. The are usually the ministry.
  2. We should playing “amateur psychiatrist” unless we have training and experience in counseling. It’s dangerous and hurtful to be when we should be .
  3. Shopping sprees, trips, and other activities are only that can never get to the of the problem.
  4. Nobody likes to be and exploited; it’s , unloving, and .
  5. In your pulpit ministry, remind your people that Christians to each other and each other, and that personal ministry in times of sorrow is vitally important.
  6. People need to be reminded that a funeral is a person’s “last will and ,” and that includes the .
  7. The church is supposed to keep records of deaths and funerals. Some funeral directors give the pastor an record of the funeral, and this can be for you and the original placed in the church files.
  8. Many people attend funerals and don’t understand the protocol, so don’t be too hard on them. Once you have their attention, be sure to preach your so you don’t lose that attention.
  9. The wise funeral director seats a mother and child near the and on the in case there must be a hasty exit.
  10. When purchasing a or pre-need funeral plan it’s wise to choose a mortician who belongs to one of their industry’s organizations, such as the National Funeral Directors Association or Selected Independent Funeral Homes.
  11. The prepaid funeral the survivors of having to make decisions at a time when it’s not easy to know what the deceased had in mind.
  12. In lieu of sending flowers, friends may use the cards and envelopes provided by the funeral home for gifts to be sent to ministries or chosen by the family.
  13. Don’t introduce at the graveside burial service, because that final good-bye is .
  14. The discerning shepherd will know when humor will be received as and when it will add to the pain.
  15. As ministers of the gospel, we don’t have the to interfere with the desires of the deceased or the decisions of the family, unless somebody with authority for our opinion or unless the funeral is to be on church premises.
  16. Try to identify the family members who seem to have a perspective, and quietly encourage them to use their toward a win-win compromise and not a win-lose conquest.
  17. ministry is very important and you never know how the Lord may work in hearts.
  18. We have seen God do wonderful things in postfuneral contacts, so don’t be so you miss the God gives you.
  19. There’s no evidence in Scripture that have souls, that they are accountable to God for their actions and therefore will be , or that they will be and participate in the future hope.
  20. To encourage grief over the death of a pet as you would over the death of a son or daughter, parent, or spouse is to make the pet an that, alive or dead, so controls the owners that they have their all .
  21. We not to the death of the animal but to the of the owners. The minister’s task is to help the owners get some on the situation and into the next stage in life, be it no pet at all or a pet replacement.
  22. Don’t make promises that pets will be in heaven, but do promise that when we get to heaven, there will be no more , and we’ll understand better why things happened as they did.
  23. If people funds to the church in memory of the deceased, and received an receipt, then the money belongs to the and not the donors or the family.
  24. Every church should have a for handling memorial funds, and this must be made known to the members.
  25. Keep three principles in mind when answering children’s questions:
    A. show and ,
    B. try to discern “the behind the ”; C. give a reasonable appropriate to the child’s of and .
  26. The child who asks questions may have burdens than the one who has no end of questions. Parents must take to ask, “Is there anything about this that puzzles you?”
  27. One word of caution: if we tell children that the deceased person “is only ,” they may confuse death and sleep and be the metaphorical from the actual.
  28. God created the before He created the worlds, and there is no evidence that He will create any more.
  29. Do our loved ones in Heaven know what we’re saying and doing here on earth?
  30. leads to deeper problems and keeps us from facing reality and dealing honestly with life.
  31. It isn’t unusual for grieving people to have feelings of , but we must not allow these feelings to become . Give them to the and get busy others.
  32. If you yourself, you can never in a balanced way and receive all that the Lord has for you. The Lord can heal a broken heart if we give Him all the .
  33. The of friends in the local church is one of the best sources of , so don’t isolate yourself. The more you continue to attend worship, the more opportunity others will have to get to know you in your changed situation and the it will be for you to .
  34. One of the difficult stages of recovery is making in the . Just don’t move too , and don’t pull up the roots that have taken so long to nurture.
  35. We must live in the present and the future. This means facing new , enjoying new evidences of God’s grace, and discovering new opportunities for others.
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Chapter Eleven
An Anthology of Resources

  1. The minister with a “ mind-set” and a pastor’s will immediately recognize useful material no matter where it appears and will add it to his notebook or file.
  2. It does us good to read what people, believers and unbelievers, have to about death and the afterlife.
  3. If you can find a copy of Sacred Songs and Solos, compiled by , you will have a neglected of lyrics that still speak to the hearts of God’s people.
  4. Who wrote or said the following?
    A. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
    B. It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.
    C. Death is not a state but a step, not a chamber but a passage; not an abiding-place but a bridge across a gulf.
    D. His hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that Library where every book shall lie open to one another.
    E. Wherever death is there you have mystery. But in the death of the young the mystery is doubled.
    F. The burden is heavy, but God’s grace is sufficient.
    G. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process. It needs not a map but a history.
    H. Those who know the way to God can find it in the dark.
    I. Death may be the “king of terrors” (Job 18:14), but Jesus is the King of Kings.
    J. He that has gone to prepare a place for us by His presence has prepared the way to that place by His providence.
    K. This world is the land of the dying; the next is the land of the living.
    L. The best of all, God is with us! Farewell!
    M. A life spent in the service of God and communion with Him is the most comfortable and pleasant life that one can live in the present world.
    N. So little done—so much to do!
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Appendix
Ideas for Funeral Messages

  1. Before Jesus went to die for us on the cross, He shared four comforting truths with His followers. Those truths are found in John 14:1-6.
    A. Death is real—we must not it.
    B. Heaven is real—we must it.
    C. Salvation is real—we must it.
    D. Christ’s return is real—we must it.
  2. Death cannot be . Like David, we must take and accept the death of a loved one and go on living.
  3. Determine to build Christian character and leave behind a name that Christ and others to follow Him.
  4. God gives us four assurances that we can depend on as we make the journey through grief.
    A. God knows we are.
    B. God knows we are.
    C. God knows we feel.
    D. God knows we need and supplies it.
  5. Angels are the of the people of God, and even though we don’t recognize them, they come to us when we step out by and the Lord.
  6. What two simple words teach us some profound truths that bring comfort to the grieving heart? .
  7. Someone has said that when a hero dies, there is gratitude, and when an elderly person dies, there is fulfillment, but when a baby dies, there is something wrong somewhere. What can we do?
    A. We can to our Father and for the help that we need.
    B. We can the Father’s even as Jesus did in the garden.
    C. We can the Savior’s .
  8. At night we can’t always see things clearly or in their right , but we know that the night last forever and that the morning of joy will come. As Christians, we anticipate that day when will and the night will be swallowed up in the light of the new day.
  9. Do you know why hurts? Because it looks to a past we cannot change. It doesn’t look to the Lord and strengthen our faith. It doesn’t look and brighten our hope.
  10. The word that heals is Lord.
    A. Jesus is the Lord of .
    B. Jesus is the Lord of .
    C. Jesus is the Lord of .
  11. For the unexplained mysteries, we have faith in . For the wounds of disappointment, we have hope in . For our loneliness and emptiness, we have love in and from .
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Bibliography

  1. The authors have a great deal from people they disagree with, and this has helped them know better how to to them when they attend the funeral service.
  2. What is the title of the book which contains ten “reflections” from a church leader’s journal, plus two sermons, and points the way to faith and assurance in times of crises?
  3. Who wrote The Denial of Death, a book that should be studied thoughtfully?
  4. Which book is theological, philosophical, and pastoral? A must read. .
  5. After reading How We die: Reflections on Life’s Final Chapter, you won’t be able to say to dying patients “.”
  6. The Last Enemy is an excellent brief study of important .
  7. is a small book ideal for giving to grieving people.
  8. Which book is a must for every serious minister and caregiver? Without evading issues, it answers the questions and refutes the claims of the many false teachers.
  9. Better by Far is a concise manual that will enlighten and encourage. It is an ideal book for the caregiver to to a mourner.
  10. The Right to Die? Caring Alternatives to Euthanasia explains the approach to ministering to terminal patients.
  11. When Will I stop Hurting? Dealing with a Recent Death is a fine book to put into the hands of grieving people to them that their is normal & they can get their lives back together again.
  12. The section on the Christian funeral is superb in .
  13. The Bereaved Parent by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff is reading for caregivers.
  14. Suicide: A Christian Response contains information and counsel from people who are not only experts in their fields but also Christian believers.
  15. Many have been published to help mourners deal with sorrow and death, and many others have been published about the deaths of famous people. All of these biographical books and quotation books must be used because many have grown up around some of these famous people.
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